Nac's Escape from Hell
by ButtfuckMcGee
Summary: Nac Dragqueen escapes from the hell that is the world of Fanfiction


tl;dr I vomited. 11/10. Would bang.

Chapter 1

It was a dark and stormy night at the local KFC. Our hero for the story, Nac Dragqueen, was ordering an extra large bucket of fried chicken for him and his black friend Antoine.

"I'll order an extra large bucket of dolla dolla friend chicken," Said Nac. The cashier looked at him weirdly.

"Come again?" He said, confused.

"I said, I'll order an extra large bucket of fried chicken." Nac said slower, flipping his bright magenta hair.

The cashier looked at him for a minute. "We're out of fried chicken," He said after the silence. "We apologize for the inconvenience."

Upon hearing this, something in Nac's brain flipped a switch. His eyes started to twitch and he made weird noises.

"Um…" The cashier quivered. "...are you okay?"

"NO" Nac yelled. "I'M NOT OKAY" He then went up to the nearest person and flipped their tray.

"What da fuck man?" The guy exclaimed. "I was eating that ya know!"

"WHERE IS MY FRIED CHICKEN" shouted Nac. "I DEMAND A SACRIFICE"

He then promptly turned into a dragon and burned down the estate, as everyone who eats at KFC lives at KFC. All the victims died horribly.

Chapter 2

The next day the fuzz arrested Nac. He was charged for the murder of 28 citizens, and was jailed for 38 years. Nac was angry. Nac was FURIOUS WITH RAGE. But he could not channel that rage into being a fucking dragon, for he already did and burned down the KFC. They took him away to the county jail, Alcatraz. In the sky.

Upon arriving in his cell, Nac met the person that would change his life. The most beautiful, stunning…

...man he had ever seen. His name was Gayruto. He was the master of all Gayjutsu before he was jailed for life for holding a circle jerk in a public area. He was the gayest of all gay characters you could _ever imagine._ He was also the worst character imaginable.

"HELLO BRETHEREN" He said monotonously. "I WELCOME FOR FIRST TIME HERE FRIEND"

Nac looked at him weird. "Did your dad drop you when you were a baby or something?"

"NO MY FRIEND" He responded, "THIS IS PUNISHMENT FOR CRIME I DO"

"What the hell did you do then?" Nac asked.

"I MAKE SEVERAL MEN STROKE COCK AROUND FOUNTAIN OF LOVE IN AREA PUBLIC" He responded. "MY FELLOW NINJA PUNISH FOR CRIME MY"

Nac stopped talking to him immediately. The entire rest of the night was Gayruto shouting nonsense with poor grammar until the guards noticed and got sick of him. One came up to the cell and straight up shot Gayruto in the head.

"That's what you get for making a shitty anime you fucking weeaboo," the guard said. "You were the worst kind of worst kind."

Nac wasn't even traumatized. That was relief.

Chapter 3

The next day he was given a new cellmate. This one was one of them lady women. She had the most gorgeous face to him and had wings like a dragon.

"What do they call you?" Nac asked.

She chuckled. "Rough. Rough the Vulture." She answered.

"That's a shitty name," Nac cracked. "Why the fuck does everyone I meet sound like a ripoff of something else."

"Because we all are." Rough replied, "We're all something that the outside world around us calls 'OCs'. They basically create us through copying an existing character and barely changing them. For example you are identical to an existing character but your hair is a different color and your name is slightly different."

"Does that mean you are one as well?" Nac asked.

"Yes. Sometimes the writer of our world will change and the text will be written differently."

"When do we know that's happening?" Nac questioned.

Rough looked him in the eye. "Earthquakes."

And suddenly an earthquake happened. On an island in the sky. The writer had changed.

"omg your so cute!xD" she exclaimed in a super kawaii desu voice.

"i luv u kiss meee" he replied unwillingly. _Please make this end. Someone kill me before I can no longer stand this. _

And another earthquake happened. But this one was a greater change. Nac had the most massive bulge you could ever imagine. At least a solid 12 inches he was packing. He was much more muscular than before and he was completely changed in every way to become even more macho, whereas Rough actually became a person almost identical to a porn star.

"Babe," Nac said seductively, "Come over here and sit on this dick." Upon hearing this her face flushed and she became horny instantly.

And then the world reverted back.

"That was fucking weird." Nac said. "This sucks."

Rough sat down. "We could always start a rebellion, a resistance force."

An idea popped into Nac's head. "I've got an idea." Nac said. "At some point there will probably end up being an earthquake where everyone's super macho. We break out of this place then and fly away."

Rough nodded. "We'll see when it does."

Chapter 4

The optimal earthquake happened 8 months later. They broke out of the jail and flew away as planned. All according to keikaku (T/N note: keikaku means plan). However upon returning this world was not what it used to be. All the land was scorched by the scars of war, and only three buildings remained. They were Rough's home, some other house nobody recognized, and a Burger King.

"We need to eat, Rough." Said Nac. "There's a Burger King, let's go see what's in it."  
They went down to the Burger King. There, Nac ordered a Big Mac. Rough ordered a small fries. She was on a diet.

Nac was finally going on a date. At a Burger King. In a demolished city. But it was great. It was all in solitude. That was until the door to the Burger King exploded in a fiery blaze.

"WHO THE FUCK INTERRUPTS A DATE" Nac shouted.

The man at the door, still a silhouette in the smoke, chuckled. "The man who's gonna steal yo' girl."

The smoke faded, revealing a 400-pound, fedora-tipping man with a massive neckbeard and dreads. His face was partially covered by a mask, and there was a sick lens-flare effect going off. He shone some sort of radiance.

"Who the hell are you, fuckwit?" Nac yelled.

The man tipped his fedora. "My name is Ichi_**no**_. I find great pride in dating fine women, practicing atheism, and basking in my own intelligence." He responded. He walked forward, up to Rough, taking her hand and kissing it.

Nac immediately turned into a dragon. "GET THE FUCK OFF MY GIRL YOU PIECE OF ASS SHIT" He yelled with a furious roar.

"Calm down, good sir." Ichino responded, tipping his fedora again. "You see, I was simply complimenting your acquaintance…"

"Fuck you too." Rough snapped.

"FRIENDZONED AGAIN" yelled Ichino, turning into a giant lemur on a computer chair. "TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME"

After a long, hard-fought battle that lasted around 6 seconds, Ichino was defeated. Dead. Gone entirely from the universe. The last athiest had been cleansed. The last fedora had been burned.

World peace was obtained that day, with the city being restored to it's greatest golden age ever. The world invented space travel to escape the world of Fanfiction. They proceeded to run rampant on the outside world, eventually dooming the fate of mankind and themselves. Then the sun exploded in it's untimely death and the universe collapsed.

The end. Fuck you.


End file.
